Run Away and NEVER Look Back

[[Since this is going to be long, I'm going to just blog it. I need to update, and have been meaning to for a really long time, but due to the issues brought up in Kash's blog, I haven't fucking felt like it.]]

Trust me, I know exactly how you are feeling. Though I'm most likely feeling just a bit differently. I'm feeling like running the fuck away. Getting the fuck out, not caring if I'm on the streets for the rest of my life.

At this point. I've already told you how I feel about being in situations like this. Where I want, and NEED to take a stand, but I have absolutely NO standing to stand on. Aside from principal.

Which I tell you know, just like I told you about that AC unit. I fucking told you, she was going to get a unit to put in there, and they'd run it 24/7. And I'm telling you now, if I were to even try and speak up, Fred would turn around and tell me to shut the fuck up, I have no business in his 'family' affairs.

I'm sorry, but I'm more fucking family than he is. But apparently, Pa has lost his balls with all that chemo for his prostate cancer. It killed more than just the cancer it seems. Since Pa can sit there and practically cry, about the situation, but not do a damned thing but shrug and look pathetic.

I also, told you exactly why he let Fred in. And again, it's because of me. And because I am here. I do NOT like being the cause, whether directly, or indirectly, to peoples problems, and suffering. Which is EXACTLY what I am right now. I am trying to hide away in the fucking games, and what not, just to keep my cool.

Keep from packing a few clothes in my bag, and walking the fuck out. Because you have asked me not to. But what happens next month, when the bill for the power actually comes? Huh? We are ALL going to have to get the fuck out.

We are all going to be on the streets. If not because of the lack of power to run the fans, let alone the damn AC's, etc, just to keep cool.

I also told you, I refuse to get put in another situation where I am working (when I get work, hopefully soon) and having to fit the bill for some lazy ass mother fucker wanna be rock star crack head and his skanky ass crack whore too, who for no other reason than they are fuckers, wont contribute to the bills around the house.

I honestly feel like making DAMNED sure all those responsible right now pay. And pay good. Pay like they've NEVER fucking paid before. I'm not okay. I haven't been okay since the day Fred first came over here and met me, if you could even call it that.

I told you then, he's planning something, and we see now what he had planned. He came over enough times to know exactly HOW to hit, and he's hitting, hard, and right where it hurts. You can't tell me I am not the reason for this mess. And I wont stand for it much longer. I will leave.

Because since I can NOT do anything about it, I'll be damned to let myself become the victim of abuse, by association. We are NOT running the AC, to keep the bill down, turning the AC off down stairs as much as possible, to keep the bill down, when we see he's turned it on and left the house/room.

We took the damned TV out of our room, and told Pa to cancel our service, to CUT THE BILL. We unplug EVERYTHING that can be in our room, ANY TIME we aren't using it.

Just to cut down on the bill. Only for that bastard to go and have his girlfriend BUY an AC unit to put in his room (after we hurriedly grabbed the one out of that room and put it in ours, to KEEP him from doing exactly what he's doing now) and run it 24/7. Even when he leaves the room/house.

Run his computer, the lights, EVERYTHING, all the time. How do we know he's got the damned computer on? Well we can see when we check the computer network, that Fred-PC is connected. It can't be connected if it's not turned on and logged in. We are suffering, bending over backwards for Pa, because we care, and don't want anything bad to happen, FOR ALL OUR SAKES, and he's being cowardly.

Shrugging his shoulders, and just letting it happen. I really, REALLY fucking wish we knew someone, ANYONE around where we could go. But, we can't go, because we have no money. Hence, I said, let's just go to a fucking shelter. We'd probably have a better chance getting a job that way anyway. Might not be a job we want, but it'd be money coming in. Despite, it'd be going no where, since we'd be living in a room, with hundreds others, sleeping on cots.

Whatever. I don't care anymore. No one else does. I only care about you, and me. And I say let's get the fuck out. Pack a bag, get some food, and take a hike and never come back. But that's just me. What do I know. Nothing? Apparently.