Avrik's first Christmas

I wish I had been there, but alas, I could not have been. Kris finally posted, or rather, Sayrde finally got around to posting some pictures of him from that photo shoot they did just a couple days before the actual holiday. Little Avvie is four months old now, but in the pics he's about two months old. He is so cute. I miss him. Such a good baby. I'm really happy for Kris and Sayrde, if anyone deserves happiness like that which he brings, is Kris, my sis. Anyway, the pics I'm posting are either of Av, or Av and Kris. Hope you all like.

Sad..really.

I've come to realize just how sad it is, and makes me, when I look back at past friends. At how and why they were lost. How important they were for those years, and over stupid things really, they are now gone.

Forever into the abyss that is known as the past.

Depressing, really when you think about it. Someone who was at one point in time, THE most important thing in the world. At least, in your eyes. Or I should say mine. My life. Not a day goes by, I don't think of you.

Do you think of me too? In a way, I hope so. In another, I pray you don't. Why? Because I would never ever wish upon you this sadness that comes with realizing how horrible things came to an end.

All because you felt you just didn't know me anymore. Didn't understand. Couldn't. But did you try?

No.

Time is never ending, despite it ends for each and every one of us individually. So of course, things and people are changing. Deep down, I'm still the same person. The one you used to confide in above all else.

Share your fears, hopes and dreams, late at night when you just couldn't fall asleep, or vice versa. We shared a lot. And now, it's gone. For what?

You tell me. Oh wait, that's right.. you can't tell me. I wonder if we'll ever meet again. I hope so. For being such an important part of my past, I only pray, you'd at least be a small if not larger part of my future.

-Khai

Sick

I hate being sick. I can't sleep, despite I'm tired, and it is always thus. My nose is stuffed beyond belief, my throat is swollen and I've lost my voice. I'm just now starting to cough, but it's nothing compared to what it will be. When it is full of mucous and phleghm.. Right now, it's just a tight cough. Trying to take a deep breath is near impossible, as it causes me to want/need to cough. My ears hurt, throb and I alm almost in tears from it all.

I don't know what happened, but all the sudden Kash and I are very sick. He must have a stronger immune system though as he's not as far along as I am, yet we both started showing symptoms at the same time. I left him sleeping in the bed, not wanting to wake him. I'm usually lucky to fall back asleep once I've woke once from being sick like this. I will try and nap again soon, but no promises. Just wish us both well, and pray we get better soon. I don't want to wind up in the hospital again for this stuff.

-Khai

Kash Vs. Kashi

Don't ask where this blog is going, I couldn't think of a title, so I put that. Don't bother wondering what all that means either, since I'm not gonna explain, or maybe I will, lol. I don't know. I just feel like blogging, so mostly random shit will be coming out. If you like random shit, sweet, if not, oh fucking well.

So, Ann put minutes on her phone today. She was finally able to get on messenger, and even call me for all of 5 minutes so far. I think she's gonna call back when her phone stops cutting out. We'll see. :/ I do love her. Her obsessive, pathological lying has got to go, but I do love her. And I do wish for her to have all the happiness.

Whether that's with Kash and I, we'll find out soon enough. Kash and I have said it before, and I'll say it again. Neither of us truly believe she'll be with us, for all of this life. Not, like it was. Kash and I are soul mates, she has her own soul mate out there. When she finds them, she will likely not necessarily forget about us, but yes.. she will slowly fade herself out from our existance.

Not forever. But, like I said, things wont be like they were, or could have been. That's fine with Kash and I though, we just want her to be happy, while we are happy. And everyone knows that Kash and I are happy with just each other. We're with Ann right now, more for her, than for us, despite in my case, I reallllly do love her, and miss her like crazy right now.

I miss her quirks. Most of all. She's so quirky. Bubbly. Something I, nor Kash am. She is not like us, at all. I like that. I love that Kash is just like me, minus a few small details, but I love that Ann is totally out there, and nothing like us as well. Hm. Anyways.. I'm trying to eat, but despite I'm hungry, I'm not motivated. Boo.

Kash Vs. Kashi, hmm, how about a little of both please. Like I take my coffee, with cream and sugar, give me some of both, and I'm in heaven.

-Khai

Maybe, but still.

I know I don't understand first hand, despite you say that you think I have an ED too, but I at least try.

I am always trying to understand. I don't think you are horrible because you struggle. Hell, we all struggle on some level. Right?

I guess I can't really do anything but just be here to listen when you want or need to talk to me about it. Almost like I'm incompetent, because I can't 'comprehend'.

I love you Kash. With all my heart. For everything you are, and everything you aren't. Your flaws are probably what I love most, to be honest. Not that you have a lot, it's just what makes you stand out, above the rest.

I am sure the same could be said for you about me, no? You are perfectly imperfect. And I love it, and you. You make me feel things I have only felt with you, and none other than you.

You know this, I've proved it, haven't I? At least, I'm trying my damnedest to prove it to you. I only want us happy, and together. Forever.

Love and Light.

You and I.

We.

1.

-Khai

It's sad, but funny..

After seeing something yesterday, I know Lestat is just 'itching' to speak about it. In fact, he is making it almost impossible for me to even think rationally right now, because he's just that pissed. It's funny that even after a year has passed, she's still going around and falsely accusing me of these things, just to make her look better.

Make it seem as if she had nothing to do with why it ended. She was the only reason it ended. I'm actually quite baffled that she has kept this rouse up for so long. Still hasn't given me my things. Made no attempts at even considering to give them back either. I swear, girls, are crazy. If I didn't love Ann so much, I'd be completely gay.

Even then, I practically am completely gay, since it's just Kash and I right now, and who knows if and when Ann will even be coming back into our physical lives. Yes, we are -still- married to her, but, we are not with her. She's there, doing her thing, we're here, doing ours. Besides, she really likes the Easter Bunny.

Supposedly, she's not sleeping with him, but Kash and I have our doubts. We told her though, she better not be coming home with a baby, because that is definite cause for divorce. We'll be damned to support and raise a child we had no say in the matter of conception. I still can't get that stupid dream I had outta my head.

Oh, and last night, I kept dreaming of my Corey. I miss him, my best friend, my familiar. *Sigh* He'll find his way back into my life some way shape or form. I need him and Fayt, and then of course Atreyu. But it'll be a while til I have Treyu, because yeah. No place to keep a horse here. Soon I hope to have Fayt, and maybe Corey back.

Boo. Stupid Ann and her flakeyness. >.< Grr. Anyways, I'mma go for now. Hopefully you all are doing well. Much love.

-Khai

I am HERE

So, the flight went pretty smooth. There was some turbulence, but over all it was alright. I didn't sleep, as expected, which sucked, but what could I do about it. I had planned on sleeping when I got here, but Kash and I were too excited, we couldn't do anything but just hold each other and talk.

It's strange, I know he and I have never 'met' in person before, but it's as if we've never parted. From the get go, we were for the most part, easy with each other. Clicked, not much awkwardness at all. I feel like I've only been with him, and in his presence.

I honestly don't know what it'd be like with out him in my life. I don't feel I've ever truly been with out him. It'd be murder if we weren't together in some way shape or form. I'm really not sure how to say what it is I am meaning or feeling.

It's just all good, bunches of good stuff. I love him, and I'm thrilled to be home with him finally. Thank you everyone for your support, I truly do appreciate it. I miss being able to be on plurk all day, lol, and or talking with you all in IM, but right now, I just want to spend as much quality time with Kash as possible.

Plus trying to get settled, and all my things put away is going slow, but steady.

I hope all your lives are doing well, and you and your loved once are happy. Miss you all, and much love.

-Khai