Who knows, but I'm sorry, that just really pissed me off. I can't really help it either. Ignoring that it pissed me off would just make things worse, so yeah. I'm not ignoring it. Instead, I'm trying to embrace it, and understand it, and then hopefully move on from it.
I don't find jealousy to be a turn on. I don't find what that implied to be funny, or attractive. Definitely not befitting of you. Again, maybe I'm wrong but I can't help how it made me feel. How it made me see you in a new light, a light I'd much rather put out.
I love you of course, that hasn't changed. I'm just not too happy with what you did, playing or not, it came off very different to me. And from what I can tell, it came off different to everyone else as well, since no one has dared say a word on it, or after it. Just letting it go.
I'm letting it go.
-Khai
Monday, December 29, 2008
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Too many friggin thoughts...
not enough brain power to sort through them.
So, Ann called and said she's being sued.. O.O Great, even more of a reason for her to NOT own up to her half of the deal. Her part of the bargain. I just don't know anymore. It's like, what will go wrong, DOES fucking go wrong with her. It has been one thing after another. Quite disgusting really, and annoying, and it's really got me pissed. I can't even talk to her anymore, because I'm just so far fucking gone. However that means.
I don't even think I can explain it. I've tried, it doesn't work. Nothing works lately. All I know is that I want to get my ass to Georgia so I can start living my life, and doing what I need to do to make it. I can't do it here, on the prospect of leaving in a month, 3 weeks, 2 weeks, who knows. I absolutely hate that Ann, has left me here with all these responsibilities, none of which I asked for. None of which I agreed to take on.
All of which, were hers to begin with. She fucking leaves, and I'm stuck with them. She was supposed to be doing her part from there, by sending me the cash to take care of things here. But has she? Fuck no. Once she's sent money. And that wasn't even enough! I have all her fucking shit here, that I have to find something to do with, I don't know what either. Especially with out her sending me money.
It's not like I can pay someone to store it. Unfortunately, I'll probably have to throw most of it away. Sucks if I throw something important, but damn it, I'm not even supposed to be here right now. I'm supposed to have been in MI with her looong time ago. Of course, she never followed through with that either, and left me stranded here to some how pay for an apt all my own on what little pay I got from working, since the economy sucks and I was lucky to get 10 hours a week.
That apt of course was lost, had to move. Along with some how finding a place that would take myself, along with her and my animals. That lasted all of 4/5 weeks, and it had to end because Ann still wasn't pulling her half of the bargain, and sending money to cover HER HALF of everything. It wasn't even much. All she needed to send was 150 a month.. and it would have been okay. But nope. She kept giving excuse after excuse.
And I'm sorry, if they are 'legit' to her, but um, no. They is just bullshit excuses. It's not my fault she can't stand up to mommy and daddy dearest, who are fucking psycho's if I ever did see some. Crazy ass people, most of her family is clinically deemed psycho in some way shape or form. Problem is, they refuse to take their medicine, and or just plain get treated. I blame it all on her, and with good reason.
We came to AZ with the notion that she would start working immediately through the same company in which she worked for in CA. They were transferring her, and better yet, they were giving her two dollars more an hour here in AZ! But noo, she kept making excuses once we were here as to why she couldn't work that day. And then the next day.. with the economy like it is, especially in AZ, jobs are hard to find..
I was searching, but it took me literally three months to find a job. Took the first one that came along, unfortunately, I wasn't getting more than 10 hours a week, because they just really didn't need the help. The guy actually gave me those hours as a favor, because he knew I needed SOMETHING since Ann still wasn't working. By then, I think her job with the security company had been thrown to hell.
I'm sure they gave up on her. She just never went back after she went for a re-orientation to show her the little differences in how things were ran here, vs in California. So, yeah.. she did nothing but sit and lay on her lazy fucking ass while I was out searching for another job, or a second job. She barely took care of any of the pets, all of which but one, was hers. I had to cook for them, I had to clean up after them. I had to bathe them..
She did fucking nothing, yet they were all hers. No one even asked me if I wanted them. Nope. Came home to find a different animal with in 'our' care like wtf. Then when she took off to go to MI to work for her moms company.. she left with the agreement she'd be sending money back to help pay her half of things until she could bring us up there. Which was planned to be with in two months.
PSH. Riight, think that happened? We were starving, the pets and I. My grandma had to go grocery shopping on occassion for us, she refused to get pet food though. So I wound up giving the pets my food, and starving myself. Needless to say, I lost about 30 lbs in two months. 30 lbs at that time that I couldn't afford to lose as it was. Luckily, I had power, no gas, and water was free in those apts.. so I could nuke my food..
Couldn't cook though once the gas was shut off. :/ Which really sucked. Kash was there.. as much as he could be, through it all. He would listen to me freaking out over what to do. Not knowing what to do.. what was going on. Not knowing whether or not if I left to go get some cat/dog food from the store, I'd be coming back to literally nothing. Since by then, I hadn't paid rent in two months.. Kinda hard to pay 650 in rent, when I'm making 90 a month, and that all is going to power and pet food.
*Sighs* Whatever, enough of that bullshit. I'm here now, at my gmas.. the cats are in foster, of which I'm paying for. Or rather, Kash paid for this last time. But I still have to pay again in two weeks, and Ann supposedly sent money, but ahahahaa like the last 10 times she 'sent it' it just magically disappears in the mail system. WTF ever, because she uses FEDEX! She is such a fucking liar, it's not even funny.
I hate to say it, but I really think I hate her. I know for a fact I hate the shit she's doing, done, and will do for the following months to come. I don't know if I want to continue to be in this relationship with her. This marriage. How can we continue this marriage, when all these ill feelings and thoughts are about and in the air? Can one live happily in a marriage like that? I don't think so, but who knows, maybe I'm wrong.
-Khai
So, Ann called and said she's being sued.. O.O Great, even more of a reason for her to NOT own up to her half of the deal. Her part of the bargain. I just don't know anymore. It's like, what will go wrong, DOES fucking go wrong with her. It has been one thing after another. Quite disgusting really, and annoying, and it's really got me pissed. I can't even talk to her anymore, because I'm just so far fucking gone. However that means.
I don't even think I can explain it. I've tried, it doesn't work. Nothing works lately. All I know is that I want to get my ass to Georgia so I can start living my life, and doing what I need to do to make it. I can't do it here, on the prospect of leaving in a month, 3 weeks, 2 weeks, who knows. I absolutely hate that Ann, has left me here with all these responsibilities, none of which I asked for. None of which I agreed to take on.
All of which, were hers to begin with. She fucking leaves, and I'm stuck with them. She was supposed to be doing her part from there, by sending me the cash to take care of things here. But has she? Fuck no. Once she's sent money. And that wasn't even enough! I have all her fucking shit here, that I have to find something to do with, I don't know what either. Especially with out her sending me money.
It's not like I can pay someone to store it. Unfortunately, I'll probably have to throw most of it away. Sucks if I throw something important, but damn it, I'm not even supposed to be here right now. I'm supposed to have been in MI with her looong time ago. Of course, she never followed through with that either, and left me stranded here to some how pay for an apt all my own on what little pay I got from working, since the economy sucks and I was lucky to get 10 hours a week.
That apt of course was lost, had to move. Along with some how finding a place that would take myself, along with her and my animals. That lasted all of 4/5 weeks, and it had to end because Ann still wasn't pulling her half of the bargain, and sending money to cover HER HALF of everything. It wasn't even much. All she needed to send was 150 a month.. and it would have been okay. But nope. She kept giving excuse after excuse.
And I'm sorry, if they are 'legit' to her, but um, no. They is just bullshit excuses. It's not my fault she can't stand up to mommy and daddy dearest, who are fucking psycho's if I ever did see some. Crazy ass people, most of her family is clinically deemed psycho in some way shape or form. Problem is, they refuse to take their medicine, and or just plain get treated. I blame it all on her, and with good reason.
We came to AZ with the notion that she would start working immediately through the same company in which she worked for in CA. They were transferring her, and better yet, they were giving her two dollars more an hour here in AZ! But noo, she kept making excuses once we were here as to why she couldn't work that day. And then the next day.. with the economy like it is, especially in AZ, jobs are hard to find..
I was searching, but it took me literally three months to find a job. Took the first one that came along, unfortunately, I wasn't getting more than 10 hours a week, because they just really didn't need the help. The guy actually gave me those hours as a favor, because he knew I needed SOMETHING since Ann still wasn't working. By then, I think her job with the security company had been thrown to hell.
I'm sure they gave up on her. She just never went back after she went for a re-orientation to show her the little differences in how things were ran here, vs in California. So, yeah.. she did nothing but sit and lay on her lazy fucking ass while I was out searching for another job, or a second job. She barely took care of any of the pets, all of which but one, was hers. I had to cook for them, I had to clean up after them. I had to bathe them..
She did fucking nothing, yet they were all hers. No one even asked me if I wanted them. Nope. Came home to find a different animal with in 'our' care like wtf. Then when she took off to go to MI to work for her moms company.. she left with the agreement she'd be sending money back to help pay her half of things until she could bring us up there. Which was planned to be with in two months.
PSH. Riight, think that happened? We were starving, the pets and I. My grandma had to go grocery shopping on occassion for us, she refused to get pet food though. So I wound up giving the pets my food, and starving myself. Needless to say, I lost about 30 lbs in two months. 30 lbs at that time that I couldn't afford to lose as it was. Luckily, I had power, no gas, and water was free in those apts.. so I could nuke my food..
Couldn't cook though once the gas was shut off. :/ Which really sucked. Kash was there.. as much as he could be, through it all. He would listen to me freaking out over what to do. Not knowing what to do.. what was going on. Not knowing whether or not if I left to go get some cat/dog food from the store, I'd be coming back to literally nothing. Since by then, I hadn't paid rent in two months.. Kinda hard to pay 650 in rent, when I'm making 90 a month, and that all is going to power and pet food.
*Sighs* Whatever, enough of that bullshit. I'm here now, at my gmas.. the cats are in foster, of which I'm paying for. Or rather, Kash paid for this last time. But I still have to pay again in two weeks, and Ann supposedly sent money, but ahahahaa like the last 10 times she 'sent it' it just magically disappears in the mail system. WTF ever, because she uses FEDEX! She is such a fucking liar, it's not even funny.
I hate to say it, but I really think I hate her. I know for a fact I hate the shit she's doing, done, and will do for the following months to come. I don't know if I want to continue to be in this relationship with her. This marriage. How can we continue this marriage, when all these ill feelings and thoughts are about and in the air? Can one live happily in a marriage like that? I don't think so, but who knows, maybe I'm wrong.
-Khai
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