Life....

So, I know I haven't blogged in a really long while. Well, many reasons for that. The main reason is, is that I've been so upset over some of the things that has gone on, I've really just not even felt like writing about it. That in and of itself, should express just how upsetting to me the events have been. My grandmothers passing, of which I've written about, but only hardly. The fact that I really really miss her, and I hate that she is gone. That the entire rest of our family is literally falling apart, now that she is gone. And it seems every ones true colors are starting to show, now that they aren't have to pretend to be someone they obviously aren't, because she was around. 

Like my uncle. Always knew he was a git. But man has he shown just how much of a git he has been since my grand mothers passing. Were talking day after, he was a "new man" to all that thought they knew him, and loved him. Greedy bastard. Telling my grandmother up until the day he died that he didn't, and wouldn't be taking any of the money she had set up for my mother to live off of until she could get on her own two feet after her passing. The day after my grandmother passed, he demanded half of it, saying he had right to it, as her second child, and only son. Fucker.

Like my mother, who can sit there and tell me she loves me, and yet I feel no emotion behind those words she speaks. Allowing her drug addict boyfriend to steal my dog, and then what does she do? She runs off with him! Fuck her, and fuck him, I hope they rot in hell. She came to visit, my mother did. Was so excited. Then she brought her druggie boyfriend with her, and immediately I knew that nothing was going to go well. Only good that came of is, was that finally, we managed to convince a Dr to treat me FOR MY LUNGS! By then I couldn't breathe, had used up all my asthma medicine, and I was near death. And all the Drs at the hospital, and even an actual dr that we paid 400 dollars to go see, said they couldn't/wouldn't help me because my heart rate was elevated.

NO FUCKING SHIT MY HEART RATE IS/WAS ELEVATED, I CANT BREATHE! But no one would listen. So finally, we went some where new, that no one knew me....and forgot to mention all my other run ins with Drs thus far. She listened to my lungs, said I had a slight fever, and prescribed me some heavy duty lung specific antibiotics to clear up what seemed to be a pretty bad lung infection, along with some prednisone and pseudophedrine. Voila. I was much better! I still have some issues I really doubt they will ever go away. Could be due to having had a severe lung infection for 10 months, or could be due to my asthma just having progressed, or could be due to my allergies, living in this damn mold infested house.

OR, could be any combination of the aforementioned possibilities. So, hate living here. Love Kash, love my pets. Nailah's believe it or not, gotten  much better than before. Not perfect, but better. We have a new rat..her name is Sakura. So now it's the four. Shemeit is still alive and kicking. Tieri (Nefritieri) is a bitch as usual. We don't take her out much. Like, ever. Only to clean her cage. Because she just loves to bite. Dhani almost died, but thankfull we lucked in to getting a new tank for him. Lucient, well...he's getting bigger. Pa went up to NY and brought the bitch/whore down there. Along with her baby. So now they are eating our food, and no one seems to think there is anything wrong with that.

T, the bitch neighbor, now never invites us to dinner any more. Only Pa and Whore/baby. It's like we don't even exist any more. WTF. I really hate people. And if it wasn't for Kash, and my family of pets, I would really hate life too. 

So, that is my most recent blog. Wonderful isn't it? But then again, isn't life wonderful? 

Long time..I know.

Finally got around to moving my blog posts to a new blog. Didn't like that a few people were following the old one still. Now that that is gone, I can feel some what more comfortable speaking my mind. Lots of things, too many things, really, have gone on in just this past month. With having to go to the hospital, multiple times, to death, to moving, etc etc etc. I'm not in the mood to post now about them, and most likely I will back post about them. Now that I feel more comfortable speaking about my life, I will most likely be speaking more about my life.

The reason for which I am still alive;

is the very reason of which this blog is being written.

Kash.

Today, is our anniversary. It's only been two years, but it feels like an eternity. In a good way. Since some people use that reference as if it were a bad thing. But not me. To know Kash an eternity, and to have forever been in love with him, holding him, being held, etc...makes life worth living. He gives me reason.

I love you Kash, with all that I am.

Very tired.

I've not really been feeling up to par lately. Always feeling tired and when I'm not completely tired, I'm feeling very disconnected from my body, and am unable to focus. It's getting to be pretty bad lately. Not something I can just easily explain either. No words really seem to fit to a T exactly how I feel. I just know that I'm not comfortable with it.

Nailah is driving me nuts. Damn cat is hungry every hour, on the hour. And yet, she only eats a few bites and then is done. However, she acts as if she is starving, and has been for days. Begs and begs for food, and insists on ignoring us when we tell her to 'get down' since she has made it a habit of jumping up on our chair, and walking all over us, literally to get to the desk.

It's also getting really annoying that she has the phobia of being on the floor. She will NOT for any reason allow her paws to touch the floor for more than one second. She will jump and hop from object (whether its able to hold a cat, or even big enough to) to get to another object, as long as it is 'off the ground'.

On the other hand, we can't keep Nikhil OFF the floor. Not that we want him on the desk, or ourselves, but he has made it a point to sleep ALWAYS where we walk. He insists on sleeping right under the chair..that when we sit up out of, we have to roll it back some and then get up..making it so we roll right over him. And he screeches and looks at us as if we had just done a huge injustice. It's like, HELLO! Stop laying UNDER the damn thing?!

To top it off, if he's not there, he's sleeping right where the door opens up at! Or, if we are down stairs, he insists on sleeping right smack in the middle of the kitchen floor, AS WE ARE COOKING! Can't tell you how many times we have stepped on him, tripped over him, etc. And we literally kick his ass out of the kitchen 15 times before he finally stops coming back and laying down in there, for the moment. The cycle just repeats itself the next time we have to go in the kitchen to do something.

Blah. Hate this feeling. Love Kash though, so much. My everything.

-Khai

Just don't want to?

Ever get the feeling where all of the sudden you realize, that everything you thought was important, just...isn't? Screw the fucking facebook apps. Screw the games and whether or not I'm in the lead. Screw it. Every day, all day, I sit here at the damn computer. Every day, I am missing out on everything that really IS important. Like the ones I love, the ones that count on me. The ones that love me, just as much as I do them. Why?

Well, no more. I don't want to go on ignoring them. Letting life pass me by, because I'm 26 now, I've got nothing to show for it. No education, no job, just a mess. Yes, I have love, yes, I have family, but what good am I to them really? I'm not. Am I? Not in one of the most important parts of my responsibility to them.

I've lost myself, in these games. I've forgotten who and what I am. I've forgotten how to express myself, forgotten how to convey my message. No more. I don't want it. I want me. I want me back, for them. For myself. For all that is good, and all that is kind. I want my life back. I'm taking it back. Starting, now.

-Khai

New beginnings? Sad endings.

So, starting with the sad endings, I'm sad to say, we wont have our subscription much longer. But, I am just very thankful to Nina, for allowing us to have it thus far. It's been real fun playing. I'm going to miss it, but we'll get it back as soon as we can. In the mean time, what are we going to do?

Well, hopefully, I'll be getting a job. And soon. Going to Ingles the other day, seeing Taco Bell there, something told me to go inside and get an application. I did, came home, filled it out, then asked Pa if he could take us back, the next day, to turn it in. That, was yesterday.

With in just a few hours, I had a call from the manager there, asking me to come in for an interview. It's set for this Friday, so wish me luck. If even at the slightest, I get few hours a week, that is still money coming in, of which we so desperately need.

And if I get some money coming in, I plan on sending some of it to Nins, to again renew our subscriptions to Wizard. And then, I'll be taking my sexy man of mine, to the movies. He's been dieing to see HP6, so I want to take him. I don't want to see it, but at the same time, I do.

I'm hoping Kash can get a job too, but if not, I'm okay working solo for a while. I am, however, NOT okay with paying bills etc, when that fucktard is up there, running the bills up like crazy. I hate him. I want him gone. [start rant]PA NEEDS TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT HIM!!![end rant]

-Khai

Just can't help it;

A huge part of me, misses my friendship with him. Aside from Nina, no one else has been, and will always be a huge part of my life, regardless they are physically in my life or not. Maybe you don't, or can't understand that. I don't know. But it really bothers me, when I want to, but you basically forbid me to. I don't want to get into it either, because I'll just get more upset. Basically, I miss having a friend, a guy friend, more less, a gay, guy friend, that I could talk to about anything and everything, and he wasn't someone that I was romantically involved with.

Nina, you're great, and I really do love you. But there is a lot of things I can't talk to you about, not just because you are a girl, but because of your strict beliefs in certain things, despite you've never enforced them unto me, of which, I love you more for. It's not often you find someone like you, that is accepting of others, for who ever and whatever they might be. But Kash, I guess it's like Stephy for you, Josh is, to me. Just like he misses me, I miss him. Yeah, he pissed me off, royally, but he's young. Much like Nina is. He's like three years younger than me.

But whatever, I'm done with this, and I'm going to play the game now, to try and take my mind off of things.

Wizard101, and Life in General

I guess I am like one of the few bloggers out there, not solely blogging about Wizard? Or maybe I've just found a place I'd rather type up about that, than here. Shameless Plug to mine and Kash's site for our wizards, along with soon to be stories, etc. Just need to stop actually PLAYING the game long enough to type it all up. We have it all in our heads, just not out on paper, or in this case, screen.

GRANT was gone for a few days, then he came back, then shit went bad again. The entire time he was gone, we didn't once smell cig smoke, didn't have massive headaches, etc. Now he's back, and we're getting sick, once again, throat itching, and sore, lungs congested, nose congested, and head aches galore! I really hope Pa kicks his ass out when he comes back. Which is hopefully sooner than later.

The jerk had the audacity to try and start a fight with Kash. Bitch, let him try, I dare him to hit either one of us, he'd be going to jail so fucking fast. Think he'd be allowed to come back here after wards? Ha! He'd wish. Okay, I'm done for now. Peace all.

-Khai

Argghh..

So, I've been feeling like blogging lately, but I've not been wanting to, because I haven't taken any pics of what I want to put up... but right now, I'm like 'fuck it.' I'll just link to Kash's pics from his blog or something. I mean, why should I only put pics that I took? It's not like I'm saying 'hey, this is mine.' when its obviously Kash's. If I don't take the pic, I will give proper credit. Deal? Deal.

Moving on, I have a head ache right now, but I imagine thats from being tired. Despite I am the one that woke our asses up. I honestly don't even know why I wanted to get up right then, I just know something was telling me to wake up. So, that's what I did. Sat up in bed, and proceeded to wake Kash. He finally sat up and we were sharing our dreams, as we usually do in the mornings when he noticed Mnoti literally squeeze her fat ass out the side of the mice cage!

He jumped up immediately and grabbed her. We were both shocked she had managed to get out. I guess it was only a matter of time til they learned that they could, and once learned, they'd be doing it again, trying to break free, only to be killed by the rat poison lying around the floor of the house in various rooms. So, we had to take our newest mouse edition, a Mr. Cinead Brudair Fionntan out of his cage (the critter trail two) and put them back in.

This was their original home, so they weren't to like 'err, wtf?' with it. Despite obviously we had rearranged a lot for him, but they had been in it a couple days ago after we did so for him. We let them all play together, just have to watch them, and make sure the girls aren't in heat. Since, it's apparently fairly easy to tell, once you know what to look for. We put him in one of the travel critter trail cages, since he's just one, and the thing is big enough to house one hamster/mouse easily and comfortably.

So yeah, he's one of the things I wanted to blog about. He's a cute little mousey, but like the girls, skittish. Half the time though, not as skittish. However, he bites if provoked. And to him, provoking is something as simple as not letting him out of your hand when he wants to run around. His fur is a shiny pearl color. Not neccessarily the white pearl, but that greyish/bronzish pearl, off white color. It's gorgeous.

When we're able, we want to breed him with Shemeit. Originally we wanted to breed Mnoti, but now we've decided against that, since he has the shiny coat, as does Shemeit, and we want to continue to have the shiny coats. Mnoti has just a regular coat, that is white with cinnamon marbled onto it. As you've all seen. Also, as Kash has blogged before, we think that Mnoti either is a male (whos balls did not descend) or she's a lesbian.

She has been humping the other girls, and she absolutely HATES Cinaed. He gets close to the other girls and she is there, and she gets super pissed and starts squeaking real loud at him as if saying 'these my bitches, bitch. Back off.' So yeah, we're slightly amused there. I will probably be taking pictures though, because I want to put them all four in the doll house, lol. I don't know why, but I think that's hilarious. OOooh, maybe I can make that net go around it and like.. they can live in the doll house now.

Ahahaha, err, yeah. Kay. :P /amusement. Moving on, yet same(ish) topic: Mammoth has all four legs, again as per Kash's statement and pictures in his blog. Shameless PLUG. Along with a few of the other big tadpoles getting their back legs. I'll try and get some pics of them as well today and tomorrow. Pa brought in another big ass snail thing for Kash. He was really excited (Kash) because he thinks the things are cute.

Do I? Not particular. I'm pretty indifferent really when it comes to them. I'm just like 'eh'. However, since there were now then four snails, well three and one slug, Kash was like 'we really need to make them a habitat.' Blah. Lol. So, we went out side after he arranged all the river rock to cover the bottom appropriately and cut up some moss off the ground from by the side of the house.

Placed it over the river rock in their little box (that was originally from a refridgerator.. that has since expired..) to give the snails a place to crawl. Added a couple earth worms since the things apparently were living in the moss.. Made it all nice for them, added a couple weeds lmao, maybe they'll continue to grow? Since we got everythings roots.. who knows. We mist the tank daily, as per the directions on how to house a snail Kash found while googling how to's on the subject.

Then we took some plastic screen Pa gave us to use to cover the frog tank when ever we get around to doing so and cut it some and then taped it around their little habitat. Maybe I can get a pic of that? Who knows. I'll go try though before I send this, just in case I can. I saw a baby skink and was like 'mine' but I didn't catch it. >.< :( However, I saw a NOTHER snail on the side of the house, and brought it to Kash to see if he wanted it. Of course he did. So now we have like err... 4 snails and 1 slug. 3 Snails are big though, and one is small, and the slug is just a slug. :P He didn't know what to name it, so I named it Nathanial. Again, LMAO. Anyway. Now its Ksenia, Pascha, Mikhail and Nathanial. Oh and Nikolai the slug. Who, names, a slug? Err, and snails? Seriously? :P Anyway. I love Kash, so in a way, I think its cute. Well, he's cute, again, not the snails/slugs. On to him now.. I find myself loving him more and every day. I love every moment we spend together. He is just too cute/amazing for words. I find myself just admiring him at times, and he's like 'what?' and I just smile and shake my head, telling him I love him. We have our tiffs, but it's usually just stupid shit and we're over it with in minutes. So things are good there. Life: Is good. -Khai *Taken by Kash, linked to from his blog*
Mammoth: All 4 legs.

*Taken by Kash, linked to from his blog*

Cinaed Brudair Fionntan; Handsome bugger.

P.S. Tried to get pics of the snails thing, but it just wont work with the current lighting. It'll have to wait until it's actually sunny out and we can go outside to get the pics. It's over cast right now and will be all day. Boo.