No tears;

Why I haven't really posted much on the death of my grandmother. I don't really know what it is, about me, but I've been like this since I was much younger. I can cry, and cry, and get emotional about losing something/someone over and over, before I actually lose it/them. However, it seems that once they/it is gone, I just can't cry. Or maybe I wont allow myself. Not really sure which it is. I just know, I've not been able to in a long time, post passing.

It doesn't mean that I'm not heart broken, because I am very heart broken. I miss her terribly, and not a moment goes by that I don't think of her, and want to pick up the phone to call her. Then realize, with a skipped heart beat, that she is not there to answer my call. It is devastating. She was my one constant in my life. The thing that I knew, no matter what was going on in the world, or with me, and everyone else, that if and when I called the house, she would answer, and we would talk for 5 minutes, to 5 hours.

I miss her.

I miss my grandmother.